sunday

It was really a strange day. kinda intense and prismatic. but stormy, with a breeze that was blowing straight from another time, Deja vous, and a feeling I just could not shake. Like it was a leftover day from long ago, warmed up and served for lunch. the smell, even the way it moved made it seem old. unfinished somehow, like it was lost in time and just now got around to showing up. It made me feel restless. a.n.d....whenever that happens, I take notice. I get wide-eyed, take a few steps back and do a visual scan, ask the universe for extra protection. amp up my ever present neurosis. As I get older this becomes less poignant, but still has the clout to make me pause. It is unpredictable, after all.  Unsettling. feather ruffling. disaster potential. drama queen inducing. an irritating sort of thing. It is not a life-changing kind of event, I get that. Yet it nags at me, nonetheless. 

somewhere along the spectacularness of the last few months I got stuck...stuck in that strange in-between place. waiting for the next big thing. adoring the quiet, simple. that unwinding/amping up pre-vacation place. One minute I was floating around the room and the next, weepy and couch bound...up-down-up-down-up. Packing had been on the list all week, actually for the past two, yet I was as apt as ever to lose all track of time and priority. Going from complete and utter chaos to total zen, tucked between silly reminders for must do, should do, and what le heck? I need these to keep me on my toes, being ever mindful of the big picture. Serendipity strikes when least expected, I am inclined to believe that life works out the same way. I find at least as often as not, maybe more so. I breathe deeply. Give over an entire day to inexplicable destiny. One afternoon I softened around the edges. The next day, I threw in the towel and had a melt down. By way of counter balance I spent time in the kitchen, preformed a random act of kindness and napped with the puppies, these things were not on the list, but absolutely necessary. I did not dare do more, it's early yet. I think it's the main thing that gets me, this coming and going, it's the rubbing up against of what's next and what was. 

When life starts closing in, and becomes too much, I walk. I head for the outdoors and just walk. when my head is a mess, the house is a mess and stuff does not magically fall into place, I grab the puppies, lace up my Adidas and walk. My favorite time for this is during the magic hour. I adore how the light stretches out and makes everything twinkle. glow. and in that perfect place somewhere between dawn and sunrise or dusk and sunset, I find my bliss. Bliss that scatters into the sunlight and is carried into the atmosphere, touching upon every thing in between. no shiny. no dim. call it twilight if you must, I prefer the blue hour. ambiance lighting. l'heure bleue. the romanticism of it all makes me love it even more than I already do. 

all of the sudden, it's vacation time. I kind of forgot how good this can feel. the insanity of the past months, is no match for the upcoming get away. It almost seems shameful to be so happy. I exuberantly jumped headfirst into the tying up of loose ends, partially because I was more than ready to come out from underneath the funk but also because there was an ocean waiting for me, with my name on it! So I crawled out of the bell jar and embraced the forever-hippie-ocean-loving-beach-bum me. I will be humming a different tune for many, many weeks, (maybe even months) to come. 

mornings walks on the beach are beyond happiness. a sand-covered body. my skin soft and brown. my hair wavy and stiff from sea water. there was shell-collecting, which I adore. watching the sunset. and did I mention moongates? oh be still my sea bound soul. these were a few of the things that coaxed the happy out of me. really cool stuff, I'm telling you. I was ready for it. ready to throw off the chains and lose myself. normally it takes me much longer, but with the fulfilled promise of turquoise water, pink sand, rum swizzles, moped mornings, lazy lunches, dreamy dinners and hotels meant for a princess...I was there. 

That's what I'm talking about!

I know I called vacation some time ago, but I tend to get a bit excited about these things. so I would just like to say, one more time, for the record...YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE. I ditched appointments, errands and dusting for beaches, the shiny and kissing dolphins. The ocean is everything I love about vacations, things I look forward to and for that matter, life. I collect these things as I go, the scent of salty sea air, the sight of sunlight exploding off the waves, paper thin seashells and making moments into memories.

Lemon Meringue Ice Cream

(click here for recipe)

 enjoy!