I know, right! heading into September admittedly made me more vapid than previously suspected. And, while clarity has never been my forte- I can sometimes be found in it's general vicinity, after endless annoying exercises in deduction. I'm a cloudy soul, what can I say? And antsiness really doesn't help settle the air - it makes me cranky, irritated, pinch-faced, and suspicious. So when someone recently asked me "what makes me happy?" I kinda let it sit for awhile. Swirl around my brain a bit. While there were various obvious contenders that rose to the surface for consideration, an answer that eventually won a spot in the top ten was "rekindled friendships". Really? Who am I, Buddha? This coming after years of self-therapy? The equivalent of a junior high school BBF was the best I could come up with? You betca!
Here were my thoughts almost in their entirety...I love my family. I adore my puppies. I am obsessed with the ocean. Traveling makes me giddy. Writing centers me. Baking gives me purpose. Gardening feeds my soul. Yoga calms my mind. I really missed having a BBF! What? Dude I really dig the fact that not having seen someone in over forty years, that's right over forty years, it was as simple as sitting down with you and talking! A certain smile, a hug.
in situations like this, a cozy corner booth by the window works a special magic. not that this is news, exactly. Which brings me back to friendship, a keeper extraordinaire. Do you know friendship? I can't remember not. It inhabits my earliest memories, goes together like...carrots and peas, love and marriage, horse and carriage. And just between you and me, even better than. Not that I was counting, or taking notes but suddenly the light was doing it's slanty late summer thing, swaggering in at that rakish angle. Funny I've always had sort of an issue with the whole time flies scenario. Not every time. But when memory is open to influence and doesn't require a lot of nudging on my part, when laughter comes often, and words flow...I like to draw out all the twinkly bits. But...there was also an event. a book. more friends. All this made me shiny and happy, and also a little sad. not wanting to let go. Indeed my cup was full, you could even say it was running over.
However. I'll remember, for sure, our first smile of recognition. How a hug turned into a welcoming friend. How we settled into a comfy fit. It really was all it's cracked up to be, deceptively simple, fun, yet over all to fast. I'll long hold onto this big lump of gratitude for people and things that made it happen. brought us together. And we obviously ate, maybe even enjoyed it, though I don't recall many details. There were zucchini slices and spinach dip. Smiles, which I loved still more, the second time. But the subsistence I remember most and best was a simple side dish of, well, friendship. Anyway, I hope you'll forgive the gushing. It's just that from where I sit everything looks rather magical. Did I mention it was wonderful. And I'm reminded again of why, when opportunity knocks, you should open the door. Far and wide. Let it in. Embrace it. And given the circumstance hold on tight, least it takes another forty years. Not that I'm waxing nostalgic here, pining lost moments. Quite the opposite, actually. What I want to mark, what I wish to remember, is that this is only one of many. just the beginning.
I've never hidden my fondness for friendships, but as we stand on this new threshold, I hope you'll indulge me one more huge sigh....*S.I.G.H.*
Now I'm not looking to re-live high school, that would just be silly. wouldn't it? But can I just say that at times, I feel a bit irrelevant. Sorta behind the times. Old if you will. I'm kind of taken aback! I mean I was hip once. I cut my teeth on Cream, Iron Butterfly, Led Zepplin and Jimi Hendrix. Dressed like Stevie Nicks. Bob Dylan was my sen-sei. Expanded my mind and my horizons. Moved to San Francisco. Became a vegetarian. A free spirit. A seeker of magical things. and peace. Did my own thing. And I was terribly misunderstood at times. But now I feel sorta validated. We were a fringe generation, for sure. It's a great retrospective though, how at times I consider myself just one ping away from driving really slow in the left lane, and other times I have the world on a string. Friends. Holy cow. Outrageous stuff. completely addictive. I'm not sure how I missed this my first time around.
Yet, in a perfect world all I have ever wanted was clarity as to what it is I wanted in life. Silly that it has taken me all these years to realize that I have know this all along. Hindsight tells me, just to look for the simple answer, because truly it is the simple things in life that make me happy. So given the question that had haunted me, and not necessarily revising my answer, it is so simple. What makes me happy are those things that fulfill me. See, simple.
Black and White Cookies