I'm not sure how, but I survived winter. (...it was a long one!)
If you are wondering why I can't stop
These days, the weather is plucky, drippy and impetuous.
Warmish and breezyish. Sorta sunny. recklessly bold in defiance of convention, she insolent, brazen. unrestrained. Spring is audacious. If Spring had a name it would be Vivianne.
Under her influence, I'm a wild optimist, a risky dreamer, a napper on a rainy day. She keeps me guessing this one, with her changing ways.
In fact, last night I went to bed feeling all bluesy around the edges. I was kinda sack cloth-and-ashes about finding my new routine just in time to disrupt it again. I didn't want to go back, I just wanted to stay here. Also, I wanted to stay in bed 'til 6.
Isn't that just how I am? Wishing for the thing that isn't happening? (The answer is yes.)
It has me thinking about how infatuated I really am with predictability. I've been pondering the rhythm of my days and the way they treasure-map the path to my sanity.
But then you already know that about me.
The weather people said that it should have been in the low sixties yesterday. Instead, we saw seventy one!!! So I understand, every ordinary day is a gift. But today I'm here to tell you, so are the extraordinary ones.
On an extraordinary day, you'll fix the limbs of a naked tree against a blue satin sky and notice knots of red gearing up for a show. Suddenly, it doesn't matter if the drain keeps clogging or the brown makes you crazy. Vivianne is here, darling, and she makes everything better.
In fact, yesterday I skipped and ran, fresh air on my forearms and cheeks, a prelude of everything that comes next. I know we must all be thinking the same thing ~ Summer's coming! But we don't dare say it out loud. Because for one thing, it could still snow. And for another? We don't want to hurt Vivianne's feelings before she even officially gets settled in. There's nothing worse than being relegated to opening act, especially when you're so dang good at putting on a show. I've spent the last three months wondering where I went off the grid and if I'd ever crawl back out. Can it be as easy as a sunbeam and a breeze? I tell myself that I'm not that kind of girl, the kind that requires coddling, the kind whose joy is situational or seasonal.
But today I'm feeling that ease. I wish I could tell you that I found it back in January or February, but that just isn't true. It must have been suffocating under all the layers, hiding out in the dark.
I'm too scared to check the forecast for tomorrow, but I'm hoping that yesterday has some sort of a time-release effect. I can already feel the ice dripping off of my cold, cold heart.
Feel myself coming back.
And absolutely, I will be gardening this week.
And switching from my winter purse to my
So, let the rain come down, gushing from the gutters, collecting in puddles where the sidewalks crack and dip, flattening my hair, it's just Vivianne. Does she make you happy? Same here.
She makes my brain feel spongy and I'm starting to wonder about why I'm still sitting here in my ponytail finding things to say. For this reason, I implore you to offer me a bit of grace when I skid off the rails time after time.
But my point is, we are all still here, and good things are coming, true, but it also means good things are right here. Right now.
It means I'm still growing, still moving and shaking, still living slapdash and crazy even when I can no longer point an accusing finger at the snow piled around me, the perfect scapegoat for my blues and all my nonsense.
Straight up. I've never done a single thing to deserve this kind of happiness, but I'll take it. I'm leaning into this rhythm. I am wearing eye shadow and an angora sweater. Take that, Winter of 2014!
Anyway, let's make a cake already. It's practically the weekend. Pull up a chair and I'll cut you a slice if you promise to entertain me.
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 tsp baking soda
2 cups flour
1 tsp salt
2 sticks butter
1 cup water
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1/2 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla
5 T butter
3/4 cup creamy peanut butter
3 T milk
1/2 lb powdered sugar
Mix sugar, baking soda, flour and salt in a large bowl. Set aside
Melt butter, peanut butter, and water in a saucepan and bring to a boil.
Pour over flour mixture.
Add milk, vanilla, and eggs.
Pour into a large jelly-roll or sided cookie sheet pan.
Bake at 400 for 18 minutes.
For frosting, bring butter, peanut butter, and milk to a low boil.
Remove from heat and stir in powdered sugar.
Pour over warm cake.
Once cooled, top with strawberry freezer jam and sliced strawberries.