as time goes by.

Having a few lucid moments to myself lately has been pretty rare and when they do happen I go through them like Russian stacking dolls. So bear with me here, as I feel a ramble coming on. You may not have noticed, it's kinda hard to tell, but I am getting older. That's not the bad news. Everyone else is getting younger! It was pretty subtle at the beginning. But now, well let's just say it's starting to suck, big time. Take my doctor for example. While I'm not ready to call him Doogie Howser, M.D., I'm pretty sure it would be illegal for him to order an apple martini before dinner. Aren't doctors suppose to be old older? Instill trust and a sense of well being? And my hairdresser! Dude! What is she like 14. How does she even get to work? Does her mother have to drive her? 

I'm thinking thoughts that have spanned an entire lifetime. here I sit at my desk, in my own home, but I may as well be trekking Mt. Everest. suspended between yesterday and tomorrow. holding my breath wondering if there really are enough happy endings to go around. reflecting on how to tip the clock so that everything can feel new again. in my favor. full of possibilities. ripe with second chances. knowing in my heart that all the good intentions in the world don't amount to a hill of beans when fate has something different in mind. I'm running around a lot, here and there, and now I have to worry about a feather that came off my wings. Yet I continue to hold onto my dreams, some silly some grand and some still up my sleeves.  I'm pumped just to still have some.

I find my way, most days, through trail and error. serendipity style. In the span of an afternoon I can go from kindergarten giddy to Golden Buckeye grumpy jumping in feet first, cannon-ball style with a belly flop as an encore. only I know these secrets. and I'll keep them to myself awhile longer, as I let them marinate. There are few subjects I am less qualified to discuss than time, but my knowledge on my personal memories run the full distance. they remind me, worryingly, of how quickly time is passing. How tempestuous my relationship with it really is. It starts out lighthearted and jolly, but often ends in the overstepping of boundaries and things taken too far category. Our zealous rendezvous is often regretted the day after. At times I feel I'm not ready to rekindle this romance, and maybe, just maybe it is one best saved for another time.

Lucky for me then, I am on a first name basis with reality. without any boozy undertones in the mix. I am not putting down booze, or undertones, I just prefer mine straight without the flowery, perfumed taste. without the haze and higher honeyed disposition. I am not sneering at pouring spirits into the mix, I just prefer to set my own mood.  the mixing of seriously sweet times, with feelings that are as common as pumpkins in the fall. and regrets? pffffft! what regrets? check back in another ten  or twenty.

Obviously I just returned from another trip down memory lane.

William Morris was quoted as saying "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful." I love this quote. I would like to take it and run with it. set it free. give it wings. also I would like to add to it, you had to know that was coming. I would like it to say 'Have nothing in your house or life that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful.' Because Life is beautiful. I'm not talking about the everyday, expected beauty of a landscape or the ocean, but deeper...the kind that you may find in the most unexpected places, at times even hidden. yes, that's right, you may have to look for it. search it out. go ahead, it's worth it.

So, I like to think about the things that inspire me, in my every day, things that are beautiful and useful and delicious.

simple plum tart


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