slip sliding away.

It can be a funny business, trying to figure out what to do with a sudden folly. I imagine there is a perfect storm somewhere between dillydalling and rambling. at least I like to believe that there is. yet, I'm never quite sure if I get it right, strike the perfect balance. maybe my only goal should be whole lot of fun! And then, between all that gallivanting about, a whole lot of nothing.  And through out it all, serendipity. Because after all, that is the whole point, soaking up the moments. There is something magical about a moment in time, and a whole day put together from them is nothing short of extraordinary. opportunities and moments they just naturally come together sometimes, and the trick is to soak them up. it just wouldn't be right any other way.
 There have been many moments in my lifetime. Some, more accommodating than others. both physically and emotionally. profound at times, as if I've been away too long. causing me to settle in again, re-learn the rhythm. adjust to a more peaceful way. tell the stories in my heart, sing the songs, dream the dreams. I was introduced early on to gentler days and peaceful nights and now I'm praying for time to stand still, or at the very least s-l-o-w le heck down! sure, this is what I want. I'll be pulling out ALL my tricks. ah, but on the other side of reality lies the fact that it's slip sliding away. quite possibly faster than ever. It's exquisitely nostalgic, which is just how I like it, with ample room for wistful. Together, I think, they're practically perfect, the last indulgence of childhood, the first abundance of maturity. It may not be tricky, only redundant, but next year, let's do it again...same date, same time?  I'm penciling it in now...
Seriously,  it could begin and end right there. It really is all that. All sparkle and boo! I mean, I knew it all, obviously, I have lived a lot of life. really. What is missing though, is all I don't know. everything I am still learning. patience and humility. Plenty of life's lesson's still elude me. I did not, for example, know just sitting and daydreaming could feel so good. Did not know that a day playing hokey can make the best memories. Did not know that a cake flavor could be pink. I did not know how cool walking the dogs at 5am in my pajamas could be. I never knew how simple just talking could be. or how much fun.
I never knew. 
 but lately, I am paying more attention. What did it? I can't say for sure, but I'm holding on tighter. whispering more prayers. making more memories.Time is a jet plane. No matter which way I spin it, at the end of the day, there's that.  This pains me a little bit, because normally I am a cock-eyed optimist.  As in, watch me around half empty glasses. so that makes me an optimist most of the time but I do have a healthy dose of cynicism floating just below that bubbly surface which sometimes makes me seem bipolar (and I am self-diagnosed mind you) but I mostly just suffer from ADD and OCD. On my birth certificate Pollyanna is listed as my middle name. Did I mention that life is jam-packed? each day a little too short, every moment gone too quickly? Really. no do overs. instant replays are not allowed. Would you prefer it any other way? Sheesh. seemed so simple when it started. My memories may go all pristine, but least I do not forget to factor in gratitude. I know it's the proper thing to do. And really, what part of it would I change...if I could. Funny thing, time. seems to sort itself out even though it breaks my heart in the process. oddball logic at best. I begged hard and landed a spot on the sunny side of the hill.

Sometimes, age does teach you things. Sometimes, it teaches you not to sweat the small stuff. And life, can be summed up in three goes on. Yes, I know, I may be channeling Gandhi here, but I know this to be quite true. and so simple. I tend to dramatize things, make everything into an opera that plays itself out in my mind. three acts. mad visions. worst case scenario. but when I finally get it together and take care of business it is usually not as bad as I feared (and even if it is, I survive it). and vanity? I am more Kathy Bates than Annette Benning. Things like cheek bones, porcelain skin, firm abs and a butt you can crack walnuts with doesn't really seem as important any more. It wasn't the plan, not even close, though not for lack of trying. I scold myself for minding, and I try to concentrate on the things that are important...making people feel loved, good moral code to live by, a really good recipe for lemon meringue pie. In the end it is the joy. peace within. kindness. days filled with delight. I have after all been around the block a few times, I'm never going to get back that youthful shine and that's all right. As long as my days are filled with love, laughter, peaceful moments and I still have my lemon meringue pie recipe, it's not all bad. besides, because, goodness gracious, why ever not? I am a dreamer. a lover of happy endings.  

 Emma's Lemon Meringue Pie




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