this old heart of mine...

This is totally my own fault. I have issues. It's just me! As you know, I abhor all things that involve making an appointment! So instead of scheduling my annual physical (you know the one I get every three years or so), I spent a lot of time worrying about my health,....I know, right, I'm no spring chicken, and it's always a good idea to keep an eye on these things, you just never know. So after claiming to be too busy, too tired, out of town~I finally got over come with guilt inspired. Still, it came as a bit of a shock when I found myself spending an ungodly number of hours in doctor’s offices and other medical facilities for the many visits related to various parts of my anatomy—from my eyes down to the tips of my nail polish chipped toes. Being poked, prodded, tested and evaluated while wearing various medical accouterments (think~paper gowns, suction thingies, lead aprons, protective goggles and the such) is not my idea of a good time. I'm just sayin'!  In fact, it kinda sucks.  But, what sucks even more? finding out that you have certain issues that may or may not be life threatening. It is amazing how quickly your life can a tropical storm sweeping down out of a clear blue sky, blocking the sun. No, I’m not dying.  Not even one ping away from driving slow in the left lane. But I do have some issues that need to be dealt with sooner rather than later, lest they turn life threatening.

 It is my experience that these revelations, can be handled one of two ways-as an opportunity to beat yourself up, or as a wake-up call...a time to take stock and do things differently. Follow another path. Take care of business. I don't learn from experience you see, so I generally choose the first option, and then after a lot of la-de-dah-ing, I eventually, at some point arrive at option two. But every now and again, I wise up a little ahead of schedule. Take my physical for example. I haven't gone for two years, still I was willing to wait until Fall when I usually go...that's not so bad-after all I am a card-carrying procrastinator. But I also have that "thingy" (you know, I told you about it before) and something seemed a bit off.  I could argue last month's bout of the flu was no mistake, and still lingering. regardless...I called. I went.

Eyes...good. pink in the sink. Bone scan...check. Cholesterol...excellent. BP...a bit high. (what stress?) EKG...Abnormal . mammogram...check. lady parts...good. ~wait! go back EKG abnormal??? So I was scheduled for an echo-cardiogram.

 Bad news works wonders on complacency.

Quelle the drama.

Apparently there are a few things going on. The electrical switch in my heart (seriously?) is not working properly, it a car engine trying to start. Bifascicular block,  LVH, seems my heart is building muscles I don't need and just for fun let's throw mitral valve regurgitation into the mix, shall we?  Apparently, my heart is throwing up on itself. Dude! not cool! I'm hoping that medication, exercise, eating properly, (oatmeal,  bananas, blueberries,red wine, dark chocolate), reducing stress and more tests (but of course!) will not only determine why, but may even stop or hopefully reverse any damage already done. So with Dr. Oz as my sensei and my wonderful doctor to guide me, I am ready to embark on a whole new healthier lifestyle and emerge a stronger, healthier person. In the meantime, I have made a lot of new friends, including my very own cardiologist. Oh! be still my soggy heart!

And adding further to my hypochondria, I am scheduled for a sleep study! So alas it is yet another thing on my to do list! But sleeping!!! I love it. And not to brag or anything, but I am really good at it. Naps. sign me up. my internal clock looks forward to bedtime as well. There is a sense of anticipation that sets in around 7:00pm as I begin the bedtime countdown. I anticipate bedtime the way some people wait for a long planned vacation. "I am so excited!"  "I just can't wait."  "This is going to be awesome!" "Is it time yet?" I eagerly await the magical hour when I settle into my bed and douse the lights. ahhhhh, bliss...Yawn!

Oh, my I know!

My family knows that if I don't get enough sleep it is not pretty. So,sleep test...Pfffft! bring it on! I can do this with my eyes closed, the whole time chuckling to myself (and who wouldn't).

So there you have it. It's not easy, sometimes it borders on impossible almost! But given the option, which one would I choose? This connection to the starlit skies, fiery sun rising, warmth of the soil...if the earth can bloom again every spring, then so can I. I will be enchanted by a love story, dance uninhibited in the early morning rain, sing at the top of my lungs, rest easy in peaceful sunset silences and heal my Humpty Dumpty heart.

This is a darling little cake, just lovely. Wonderfully textured, delicate and not cloyingly sweet, nicely contrasted with a sweet, tangy lemon glaze.

French Lemon Poppy seed Pound Cake


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