that urge for blue.

 Nothing has frozen over. Pigs still can't fly. And we did not just muddle through a month of Sunday's. a.n.d...... I still do not like to fly. After all my puffing about, my face scrunching, my eye rolling. After therapy, drugs, and many prayers, just the thought of getting on a plane is still enough to seriously harsh my mellow.  (I believe the phrase I used was "!@#$%^&*"). It hasn't always been this way, I have a platinum frequent flyer card for Pete's sake. Fear has never been my comfortable sweater. I do not wear it well. It just does not fit right, yet at this point it is surprisingly capacious. When it began to change? I can only guess. But my love of traveling trumps my fears, so I pull on it. I zip it up. I roll it into a ball and stuff the promises into my pockets. But then Darling ~ you know what?

Here I sit, the first week of Spring behind me, feeling like I am ready for anything, everything, and maybe just a bit more. You know how it goes, winter, wide open, options all over the place, obligations nowhere in sight. Hunkered down for the duration. Everything going as planned. Except on those days when a particularly excellent vacation destination ignites a certain person's wanderlust. with the kindling of sunshine and the fantastic far off chance of visiting the ocean. swooning over and plodding through travel brochures in pursuit of the next great adventure. Surreptitiously, at first, so as not to cause a commotion. I marvel at the expanse of possibilities. Turns out I'm an easy sell, promise me salt air and I'm there. I know my purpose is not to zip up a party dress every night and dance my life away. still it calls to me, and I am compelled to answer. I hesitate to call myself a party animal. girl who wants to have fun? better, maybe. Live with intention. in the now. I am trying.

I miss traveling. I have, at this very moment, no fewer than five trips in the works. I'm not sure what this says about me, exactly.  But I do know this, last week, there were seven. I am pleased to report that their fate was not the scrap heap, just victims of realistic thinking. Which in case you are interested, is not one of the things I do best. But, this works for me. The past few weeks saw yet another rainy-snowy-gloomy-sunny mix, still stuck between not quiet and almost there.  Seriously?  enough  already. Seems to me there was a time when seasons turned by the calendar. Until a little more than a decade ago, when we flipped to zero, now all bets are off. Surely I'm not the only one who remembers this. Yet we've been sitting on the winter/spring fence all season. And, once again I spent time on the couch, in the middle of the day, hauling out the sick basket, while slurping miso soup and ginger ale. Frankly this is an episode I've seen one too many times this year. so with the cabin walls closing in, a change of scenery seems just the thing. what the doctor ordered. I'm done with the re-runs. I'm looking for a new ending. I need a trip.

I am a cross between a homebody and a wanderer. I can't decide which way to turn. I am a serious split personality. this is a condition that constantly messes up my business. messes with my head. many times I have reconsidered reconsidering and just continued to rock with it, because in the end, really it's all I've got. so I go with it. There are aspects of my life that remain relatively sane. this is not one of them. lately? I have been dreaming up places to visit like nobody's business. I've been planning for days on end the perfect get away. I have let myself be swept away by innocent thoughts, words and phrases. my travel plans are spread out like an Amish quilt. Dude! I can do this until the cows come home {p.s. they are still not here}.

It's funny how an idea takes on new shapes when it moves from your heart out into the air that you breath. It becomes real. huge. It catches the light, floats around and grows wings. It becomes true.  still...I just love a pretend vacation. I just do. not sure why. It is so easy. so uncomplicated. taking a trip. without leaving home? sign me the heck up! I can't stop taking spontaneous, wonky trips in my head.

So, yo. It's Vacation day.

of course it's not all that, but when that urge for blue crashes through the calm and flings it's promises across my heart, all of my intentions lose their color and shape. start to float away. I reach out to them as they whisper in the dark. Like the Calgon commercials of old, my mini vacations "take me away". They make me smile. goose-bump me up. I connect with them...they get me. My arm chair traveling has carried me through some stormy and uncertain days. It has provided me with a platform for my incessant wanderings. Otherwise, it might be some scary stuff baby. Well, I've been to some wonderful places lately, and I could not be more pleased, tickled would be more apt. If there is a problem on the horizon, I'm the girl with a travel itinerary. But always, always I return to this place, where my real life is lived.

just sayin'.


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