holy cow.

Dear David Duchovny,

I caught your interview on NPR way back in February. of last year. The host discussed your new book, “Holy Cow”,  and I was like, what?, David Duchovny wrote a book? About Cows? Holy Cow! (Bet you haven’t heard that one.)  Listeners were invited to call in.  I would have been one of those callers, David Duchovny, except it would have been difficult for me to breathe while spitting out, “I love you David Duchovny!!!!”.  And that would have been awkward. For you, for me and for everybody listening. It would have just been embarrassing. Plus, I was driving. It was sleeting. Attempting to talk to David Duchovny with my heart pounding while hurtling down the highway in the freezing rain is not in my wheelhouse. And, considering my whole I love you David Duchovny issue it was probably for the best.

Still, I was sorry to miss out on the whole "How do you know David Duchovny" conversation. The great thing about the internet is you really don't have to miss out on anything. You may never read this David Duchovny, but writing down my thoughts about other people stumbling through their I love you David Duchovny calls makes me feel more part of the experience.

So how do I know David Duchovny?  Um, through Wikipedia for one? duh. We almost have the same birthday! From NPR?  Okay, truth is, I don’t really know David Duchovny, but anyone who writes a book about cows gets poster space on my imaginary wall. Okay, not everyone. That would be silly. Cows have been around a long time and there are probably a lot of proud cow book authors out there and although my imaginary walls are infinite, I’m limiting the offer to just David Duchovny. And Temple Grandin.

I saw you on Twin Peaks.  seriously!  I loved that show.  Dennis/Denise was brilliant.  Talk about a ride on the crazy train! I developed my obsessed fan issue, however, during Californication.  And when I say obsessed,  I mean in a over the hill middle-aged Facebook fan girl crush sort of way, not the breaking and entering, sneaking up behind you as you brush your teeth and shouting “IloveyouDavid Duchovny”  kind of way, which would be totally inappropriate. 

And can I just say X-Files? Seriously, it’s been 14 years since an original episode aired, almost 23 years since the show started. And now, Mulder and Scully back together again! awesome! You two are so cute together, and all that baggage history between you guys. (Oh yeah, I remember that you had a kid together!) I'm thinking time and experience has changed your perspectives. fingers crossed, this time you will get it right. I was obsessed back in the day, “The truth is out there” and “The truth is in here” and “I want to believe”. Luckily. we will always have Netflix.

What surprised me, David Duchovny, is how much you and I have in common!  You have a B.A. in English Literature from Princeton University and an M.A. in English Literature from Yale University.You  became a famous actor/director, play the guitar, write songs, and wrote a book about animals that infiltrate the human drama. ME TOO!  Well not the the Princeton Yale part, and not the famous actor part, and not the book part, but I went to school, was in the drama club AND the band, wrote a song, sorta, and write stories about animals experiencing human drama.  By the way, in case you haven’t worked it out yet, I’m a huge fan.

Also, I just remembered, you were a SNL Host and I went to Summer Camp.  See what I mean, soul mates?

So given all that you and I have in common, David Duchovny, I’d like to invite you to have coffee with me.  You could play some of your new stuff, maybe sign your book for me. I know these meetings are supposed to take place at some desk in NPR studios or wherever, but I promise you, coffee with me will be more fun than with Bob Boilen...

Forever yours,
Flouting Cloudberries

P.S. See you tonight at 10 p.m.!

just sayin'.

amaretto brownies

3.5 oz (100 g) or more crunchy Amaretti cookies, ground to make ⅔ cup measure
5 oz (140 g) good-quality semisweet chocolate (see notes)
⅔ cup (150 g) unsalted butter softened to room temperature
1 cup (200 g) sugar
4 large eggs, separated and left to come to room temperature
⅓ cup (45 g) flour (lightly spooned into measuring cup and leveled)
1 ½ Tbs Amaretto
2 – 3 Tbs slivered almonds for the top

  1. Preheat the oven to 350°F.
  2. Butter a 9 x 9-inch square baking pan.
  3. Grind the amaretti cookies to a powder using a robot mixer and then measure out ⅔ cup.
  4. Melt the chocolate in a small bowl or pan over simmering water, stirring constantly as it melts. Remove from the heat and allow to cool to tepid.
  5. Separate the eggs. Place the egg whites in a medium-sized bowl with a few grains of salt and set aside.
  6. In a large mixing bowl, beat the softened butter with the sugar until smooth, creamy and fluffy. Beat in the egg yolks, one at a time, beating in each until combined. Add the melted and slightly cooled chocolate and beat until smooth and blended. Beat in the Amaretto. Beat in the flour, then the crushed amaretti cookies.
  7. Using very clean beaters, beat the egg whites for 30 seconds on low speed then increase to high speed and beat until soft peaks hold. Gently yet firmly fold the whites into the chocolate batter, a third at a time, until well blended, no white chunks are visible and the batter is smooth.
  8. Scrape into the prepared baking pan and smooth. Sprinkle the slivered almonds over the top.
  9. Bake for 40 – 45 minutes or until the top is puffed, a dull brown color and set. Be careful that the top doesn’t burn. Remove from the oven and allow to cool on a cooling rack before cutting into squares.
I used Lindt Excellent Dark Chocolate with Grilled Almonds because not only is it a mellower semisweet chocolate, less bitter than the 70% dessert chocolate I usually bake with, but also to add more almond flavor. The Amaretto can be replaced by ½ teaspoon almond or vanilla extract.


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