But it's more than that, because as much as my family makes me grateful and amazed, I had a hunch it would be this way. And, I never really doubted my ability to love my friends.
What I didn't expect, the thing that renders me breathless and spent, has me crazy-thinking in the middle of the night, is the searing pain of loss.
I have been around for awhile now, and for at least a few of my earlier years I have loved people from hard places, who have turned me inside-out. They at the time systematically drained me of every stout and sturdy mental faculty I once claimed to possess. infiltrated the peace-keeping zone of my inner sanctum and shot it through with more combustive emotional leverage than anyone should ever carry. ever.
Life has been at times explosive. Exhausting. Exhilarating. Humbling. Amazing. I've tried everything in my power to prove it. At least twice.
Can we just agree that life always seems to come back around to being crazy?
Sometimes there is an ebb, sometimes a flow, but Crazy always makes his way back.
Sometimes we might be fooled into thinking if we can just get over the next hump, all of a sudden we will be standing in the greener pasture, a light breeze will be blowing, we will all be skipping gleefully through the wildflowers and maybe even holding hands. and we will all live happily ever after. Forever and ever, Amen.
But then, the hump never comes, it just changes. And we go through the cycle again.
So, I'm in another cycle now, and I’m coming out of the kicking/screaming/crying about it phase, and going back into the embracing it/making it work phase, which means . . . planning ahead.
That’s where road trips make a huge difference.
That’s where getting in the car and driving, for hours, makes for a happy girl.
And what do we all know? A happy girl makes a happy home.
I’m not going to get all wordsy on you right now, mostly because road trips don't need to be a wordsy thing, (spell-check is also telling me that “wordsy” is not a word. Whatever, “spell-check”) but also because there are ideas and inspirations percolating in my deep-heart, quiet places and I’m waiting for them to come full circle before I blab about them.
But road trips. . . .
at the end of my longest, most emotionally draining days, this is the thing I curl up with. a whole week on the road, with nothing to do but stare out the window as the landscape gradually, magically changes. the planning/dreaming begins the minute I know a road trip is a real live happening thing. can I tell you? nothing makes me happier than road trips. if I could do this for a living? in a second, dude. I love to research, hash out possibilities, calculate mileage, determine budgets. make no mistake, I leave loads of room for spontaneity but I am hardcore with the planning. I have orchestrated many a road trip in my time, and so far everyone has been pretty much magic from beginning to end, save for the occasional hiccup. so much spectacular, I don't even know where to start. so much road magic, it doesn't feel real. did it really happen? did we actually do it? we did. and already, I want to do it all over again.
creamy pumpkin and curry soup
1 small onion, chopped
1 garlic clove, pushed through a press
2 teaspoons curry powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
14 1/2 ounces chicken broth
14 1/2 ounces water
15 ounces unsweetened pumpkin puree
3/4 cup canned coconut milk
1. Melt butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Cook onion 5 minutes, until softened. Add garlic, curry powder, salt, and pepper and cook 1 minute more.
2. Add broth, water, and puree; mix well. Reduce heat to low. Cook, stirring occasionally, 20 minutes.
3. Stir in coconut milk. Puree soup in blender in batches until smooth. Heat through before serving.