always.
There's no rhyme or reason.
My history with Valentines Day hasn't even been particularly note-worthy or positive. But still.
My tissue roses and rhinestone covered shoe Valentine box in second grade was honored as the true piece of art it was.
Eugene Six gave me a plastic ring when I was in the third grade and I ran home and put it in my jewelry box and immediately started planning my wedding.
I once had a secret admirer that sent me carnations and silly love poems.
red used to be my favorite color. or, one of my favorite colors. pink, orange, red, yellow, turquoise, white, it changes all the time. I can never really decide. but back in junior high school, it was red and I had this friend who secretly collected red things for me, a pack of big red gum, a red bottle cap, a red pencil, a red plastic bracelet, pieces of red angora from Kresge's, a stuffed red heart, a red leather journal. when he finally gave these things to me, I didn't know what to say. because, well, it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. it was simple and thoughtful and creative and absolutely romantic. my thirteen year-old self did not know how to receive such a gesture. I was overwhelmed with the implications. but lookit, here I am, still talking about it all these years later. all these years later. I still think about all those red things. I still treasure them. you should know that, Tommy, wherever you are.
so I have sort of soft a spot for red, and what is more red than Valentine's Day. or more swoony. So when February rolls around, I wear red on my fingertips, sweaters with hearts, red and pink socks. I discover hundreds of red things in my wanderings. I begin to see little bits of red everywhere I go. red, red, red. red, I still love you. I really really do.
Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it’s the only person who will ever receive all of you. After that, well, you know, stuff happens. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved – a piece no future love could ever get, no mater what. That piece holds innocence, the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you’ll never forget.
Yep, somewhere along the way, Cupid snagged me.
I think every good love story is a torrid affair mixed with a fair amount of grit.
It has hills and valleys. It has emotional separations and new beginnings.
It has phone hang ups and redial into voicemail eternity.
It has thrown remotes and smashed guitars.
It has thrown remotes and smashed guitars.
It has giggling and prodding while you are trying to read.
It has the backseat of a car because you loved the dress I was wearing.
It has the backseat of a car because you loved the dress I was wearing.
It can be irritable and overwhelming because why can't you put your clothes in the hamper?
It has love songs serenaded on an ancient Steinway piano.
It has packed suitcases and driving around for hours. Sometimes it is boastful and proud and sometimes it has days of silence.
It has how long is that hole in the drywall going to stay there?
It has vows in the park with breakfast and a homemade wedding dress.
It has insecurities and sometimes it is jealous.
It has I don't care how long you do that bit where you pretend to roller skate backwards, I'm not laughing at it again.
It has baby you're beautiful, did I tell you that today?
It has I'll follow you wherever your job takes you.
It has I'm not following you all over the country to wherever your job takes you.
It has a touch on the leg. It has tears at other people's weddings.
It has fingers interwoven in public places... always.
It has sleeping in the middle of a king sized bed and oh for the love of Pete stop taking pictures to prove your point.
It has hurt feelings and feelings of utter elation.
It has are you sure you're still in love with me?
It has bad haircuts and really bad mullets.
It has I love your kids like they were my own.
It has there's no way I can live without you.
I find myself remembering a trip many years back, wandering through an old church cemetery where I stumbled across an ancient, lichen encrusted headstone. It was simple, unadorned...just a man's name and the dates of his birth and death with the brief inscription above it, so worn it was almost indecipherable...Tout Mon Amour, Toujours. All My Love, Always. I'd been inexplicably moved, unable to imagine the depth of feeling behind that simple expression of grief. Now I understand. Deep down isn't that what we all want? To love someone that much, to see in someone else's eyes the reflection of everything you feel. A love that will endure, even after death.
I find myself remembering a trip many years back, wandering through an old church cemetery where I stumbled across an ancient, lichen encrusted headstone. It was simple, unadorned...just a man's name and the dates of his birth and death with the brief inscription above it, so worn it was almost indecipherable...Tout Mon Amour, Toujours. All My Love, Always. I'd been inexplicably moved, unable to imagine the depth of feeling behind that simple expression of grief. Now I understand. Deep down isn't that what we all want? To love someone that much, to see in someone else's eyes the reflection of everything you feel. A love that will endure, even after death.
peace. (and love)
milk chocolate brownies
6 ounces (168 grams) milk chocolate chips (I use these)
1/3 cup (50 grams) whole wheat pastry flour
1/4 cup (25 grams) good quality dark cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon (2 grams) kosher salt
1 stick (4 ounces) butter, cut into pieces
1 teaspoon (5 ml) vanilla extract
2 large eggs (100 grams)
3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons (175 grams) granulated natural cane sugar
Preheat the oven to 350ºF. Cut a piece of parchment paper large
enough to cover the bottom and sides of an 8-inch square baking pan.
Grease one side of the parchment, and fit it (ungreased side down) into
the pan.
Add the chocolate to a medium, microwave-safe bowl with the butter.
Cook on high power in the microwave in 30 second intervals, stirring in
between each cycle, until the chocolate and butter are melted. Be
careful not to burn the chocolate. The timing depends on the wattage of
your microwave. Add the vanilla extract, and stir to combine; set aside
to cool slightly.
In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, cocoa, and salt; set aside.
Add the eggs and sugar to a clean, large bowl. Whisk until they
become thick and pale yellow, 1 to 2 minutes. Whisk in the melted
chocolate mixture. Using a rubber spatula, fold in the flour mixture.
Pour the batter into the prepared pan, spreading it evenly to the
sides. You can give the pan a tap on the counter to help it settle, too.
Bake for 30 minutes until the center is set and the edges gently pull
slightly away from the sides of the pan. Let cool completely before
cutting.
Salted Caramel Budino with Whipped Cream
Ingredients
- 2 tablespoons pure maple syrup
- ½ cup tightly packed dark brown sugar
- ¼ cup water
- ½ teaspoon fine sea salt
- 2 cups half-and-half
- 1 cup heavy cream, divided
- 1 large egg plus 2 large egg yolks
- 3 tablespoons cornstarch
- ½ teaspoon fleur de sel or coarse sea salt
- Chocolate shavings, for serving
Instructions
- In a large saucepan, combine the maple syrup, brown sugar, water and fine sea salt and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Simmer for about 5 minutes over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the mixture darkens and thickens. Remove from the heat and whisk in the half-and-half and 1/2 cup of whipped cream until smooth.
- In a large bowl, whisk the eggs and cornstarch until smooth. Add to the brown-sugar mixture in a slow, thin stream, whisking steadily. Return the pan to the heat and cook over medium heat, whisking constantly, until it thickens to the texture of pudding, about 5-7 minutes.
- Divide the budino among four 8-ounce ramekins or glasses and sprinkle each with fleur de sel. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours or up to overnight.
- Whisk the remaining cream in a cold bowl (preferably metal) until thick.
- Top the puddings a dollop of whipped cream and some chocolate shavings and serve.
Salted Caramel Budino with Whipped Cream
Ingredients
- 2 tablespoons pure maple syrup
- ½ cup tightly packed dark brown sugar
- ¼ cup water
- ½ teaspoon fine sea salt
- 2 cups half-and-half
- 1 cup heavy cream, divided
- 1 large egg plus 2 large egg yolks
- 3 tablespoons cornstarch
- ½ teaspoon fleur de sel or coarse sea salt
- Chocolate shavings, for serving
Instructions
- In a large saucepan, combine the maple syrup, brown sugar, water and fine sea salt and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Simmer for about 5 minutes over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the mixture darkens and thickens. Remove from the heat and whisk in the half-and-half and 1/2 cup of whipped cream until smooth.
- In a large bowl, whisk the eggs and cornstarch until smooth. Add to the brown-sugar mixture in a slow, thin stream, whisking steadily. Return the pan to the heat and cook over medium heat, whisking constantly, until it thickens to the texture of pudding, about 5-7 minutes.
- Divide the budino among four 8-ounce ramekins or glasses and sprinkle each with fleur de sel. Cover and refrigerate for at least 2 hours or up to overnight.
- Whisk the remaining cream in a cold bowl (preferably metal) until thick.
- Top the puddings a dollop of whipped cream and some chocolate shavings and serve.
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