ocean girl.

Being an ocean girl is a condition of the heart. That is me, but you know that, right? It's got me thinking all kinds of crazy, swoony things. Mostly, it has me smiling. I don't know what the roots of my ocean girl condition are, but they run deep. I imagine there is more to it than the fact that we had a few summer vacations by the shore when I was a kid. and surely having a mother who was terrified (yet still adores) the water does not an ocean girl make. yet, I love the beach. and I love the ocean. It renews my soul and spirit. every. time. It has always been this way. I have found that the ocean fills me up. fills in the spaces of my life. It always makes me think nostalgicly. the very thought of it nearly makes me weep. who needs therapy when there are forever water views?

Because I am a water spirit, motivated by love and desire, it makes me feel magical. Like I have the ability to float overhead like a cloud or seep through the cracks in my life like spilled water. So while it's true I've got a permanent itch for the ocean, lately, that itch has needed some big time scratchin'. I have always been mostly in love with it. and by mostly I mean, totally and completely. I find it fascinating and peaceful. I have never been one to be  hopped up on pretense and image, and I was never quite so sure. until I saw more. and now, I just see it from afar, because, you know, the whole landlocked thing. Still it is always on my mind, and has moved into my heart. forever. and a day. So at this point, it's a little crowded up in here, in my heart. It's full. In a mostly-good way. Sometimes, people ask me what it's like. Sometimes, they tell me I'm a fool for leaving it and moving back here, but if there is anything more powerful than my love of the ocean, it is my love for family. Every once in a while, I can tell they want an ocean obsession of their own. Well, there's plenty to go around. When you find yours, be warned that it will never go away. Just know that you'll soon be consumed by it.

And from the first time I inhaled it with gusto, it broke my heart, then mended it right back up. I must sound nearly-drowned. But, Holy cow!  It's outrageous stuff, damp, rich, briny, completely addictive.  I'm not sure how I missed this my first three-plus decades, and technically, I guess this is not new territory, but forget all that.  Just, if you go, you know, inhale.  And notice.  And repeat.  It's pretty impeccable. Every tiny thing becomes magic. All your free time will be spent with your toes in the sand. watching the waves until midnight. Here's something else you should know, not everyone feels this way. crazy, right? these people, they wreck me. They are not always as gracious as I would hope, with their crazy talk of deserts, cactus and casinos. they hide out by the pool ready to pounce, trying to make you a believer. never realizing how nice it is to wile away a wicked case of insomnia by listening to the waves rocking you to sleep. more effective than counting sheep.  And the surprise of it buys time enough to inhale the sweet ocean breezes. just enough to whisper in my ear and ruffle my bangs. 

For much of my life, travel has meant saltwater, sand, and shells, which is right in line with the way I roll.  Mountains have had their place, particularly as I've found myself  in places known less for their quiet wide open and more for their sheer spectacle. (It's not that I don't love mountains, I do! I'm just not so sure mermaids are allowed.) The ocean, She's charming and knows how to twirl magic out of thin air like spun sugar at the carnival. dude! she found the loosest seam of my heart and yanked that thread. still, around here, if you want the ocean, you have to bring your own. Luckily for me, I collect silver linings. I fan them all out, pull out my fancy-pants dreams, slip into my ocean skin, go where the air smells different and alarm clocks are frowned upon.

In other news, was anyone else unaware that we are now officially half-way through the year? In my usual fashion, I'm not ready to be half-way through. I'm tapping on the brakes, and they're a bit spongy. But these passing days, this life, doesn't ask my permission. It sweeps right through, and I've learned the hard way, it has no sympathy for lolly-gaggers. I just want to give summer it's due. I want to give this day it's due. I want to slow it all the heck down. I'll take it in slow motion if possible. thank you. I'll put in extra slow days and wear inexplicably garish outfits. I'll wash the sheets, worn down to perfect from years of overuse. I'll daydream about tackling what I have dubbed as "the best cupcake ever!"  I'll lean slightly inward, because it's just what I do when I want something. really bad. Perhaps over imagination is to blame, but I get to pondering. And wondering. And grappling. The same thing happens over and over. every time. For now, I'd like to give a shout-out to the universe that brought me sunny days, an ocean, and the people I love.

And then I turn right around and get all goose-bumpy alone with my ocean thoughts. I close my eyes and my heart smiles. everything feels right in my world while I'm saying things that are completely, really true. On the nights when the moon lifts higher, I will continue to dream about having a front row seat. every single day. forever. I tell myself it's true. I know that day will show up, like a rainbow in February. It won't be when I expect it. It never is. I just want it, that's all. So I'll wind my way back around the track, again, and again, and again.

My heart will break a second time, and a millionth.

It won't matter. I love it.
I am old enough now to know what my soul needs, and how important it is to spend your days doing things that will make it sing. I can tell you that by the sea I am completely at peace, I am filled up. inspired by nature. rocking back and forth to the ebb and flow of the waves. of life. For now, I'll keep thinking on it. And I'll keep wishing. hoping. manifesting. I'll keep daydreaming.  until I unite my life and my ocean girl.


Sea Glass Candy
(go here for recipe)


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