feel it.

A few week-ends ago it was amazing! it was special and I treated it as such. t shirt, cut off sweats and flip flops. in the middle of March! I had been making plans all week to get outside, but they kept falling through. So, that Sunday it was now or never, and the weather happened to lay out the red carpet. I chose the front flower bed. It was warm, sunny and peaceful. perfect for the first gardening session of the year. It was lovely. And if working in the garden on a sunny day in March doesn't ignite the Spring Fever pilot light, then nothing will. Well, maybe the sun shining on my face. Oh! be still my sun-loving heart. I like the way it feels to work outside when the sun is a buttery yellow ball melting onto everything around me. I like the way the earth smells. I like savoring the sight of impossibly tiny plants pushing upward. tender shoots popping out on trees and bushes. and the world will not keep spinning until I have dirt deeply imbedded under all of my finger nails.

I like to clean my house when I am alone, scrubbing mad circles with hot sudsy water and lemon oil. I like to cook when my kitchen is gleaming, in my favorite apron with no rules attached. I like to listen to music loudly, all the live long day. I like walking in the morning, when the sky is barely blue and painted with pink, before the rest of the world is awake. I like to do yoga as the sun rises.  I like to dance when my heart is on fire. I like to write when I am inspired. I want these kind of moments to fill my life. I want to gush about the world around me and appreciate every little ding dang thing. Plump, red strawberries in winter. The smell of fresh cotton leaking from a tumbling dryer. Finding the best shells on the beach. 

What does it mean to be inspired?  To really feel it? To get it and act in a manner that bursts and thrusts. makes me think. laugh. dance. sing. move. love. live. breathe. to feel it deeply, to the very tips of my toes. making everything just a bit more wonderful. I find I am most inspired when I am most grateful--when I am aware of my surroundings and what exactly it is about this very moment that makes me feel content. for it is only this very moment that we are sure of.  Writing a gratitude list everyday might encourage me to express my gratitude to others, but really, gratitude is a way of life, not just a check list. and the very best way to show gratitude is to live it.  and joined at the seams, woven hand in glove with inspiration and gratitude is joy.

Darlin' I know the flip side is that you can't always feel it. There are just certain things we do more or less routinely. Pay bills, wait for the plumber, take out the trash, put gas in the car or take a loved one for a cat scan. maybe not feel it per say, but at least be there, be in that moment for even a short burst of inspiration, feeling, passion. because when you feel  it, really live it there is undoubtedly more

My sister and I have been talking a lot about feelings, life and special moments these past two weeks. cherishing each and every one. the good. the bad. and the truly ugly. we get it. but that does not make it any easier. We mostly cried, but we laughed too, justifying our similar behaviors with the fact that we'd come around and when we did, it would be okay. And then we went on--as we always do--analyzing our tendencies, backing up into childhood while staying in the moment is what makes us tick. what makes us stay. what makes us move on. 

I arrive at the belief that being motivated by feeling it is powerful. It comes with its drawbacks, pain and suffering. but the rewards are mighty. I find myself feeling that passion more often now. I don't know if it's age or experience or perhaps more likely the events of the past two weeks. seeking out a hint of inspiration and joy wherever and whenever I can find it because I know what it feels like to have it...and I want that. I want every corner of my life to be twinkle fabulous. It's why I take walks on a warm spring evening, throw things in the car for a last-minute sunset, picnic or day trip. wear red lipstick or shocking pink toe nail polish, hang millions of twinkly lights in my garden, or close my eyes and cry when the sun caresses my skin. I feel it.

peace.

winter squash, brown butter, and sage souffles

(go here for recipe)