passion, baby.

I am inevitably attracted to people who have it. Historically, I was resolute in my belief that most people did. period. upon meeting someone new, I found myself navigating around the polite talk in order to find their true essence. Hardly worth all the effort you say? well, and then - all the familiar existential gustatory wonderings and questions arise - why do some people have it, and others don't. what am I not getting here, am I missing the sensitivity chip on my personality radar? do I need to dig deeper. find the hidden meanings. talk to a therapist? And well, all of that is hardly worth it, now is it? What le heck am I yammering talking about? Passion, baby. Pure unadulterated passion. 

Anyhow, I am suddenly mad to find out why it is such a primal force. Why some people have it. some are drawn to it. some strive to achieve it. some don't have a clue. For the people that have it? it comes out in everything they do. It doesn't matter what it is. It just oozes out. draws people to them. we've all known someone like that...not particularly attractive, rather average even, yet, they always have people hanging on their every word, wanting to be with them all the time, know what they are thinking, likes and dislikes...they  are adored. people flock to them.

Digressions aside, I was recently riveted watching Oprah, yep she has it, can't say why really, something about her is utterly compelling making it necessary for me to watch her. Some of her guests get under my skin as well. Sleek, smooth, buttery blondes, darkly rich, rough, choppy. and if that's not enough to make you drool,  she gets them to tell all their secrets, on the air, to the whole world! the entire time smiling to herself (and wouldn't you?) Saucy little minx. She gets to me, that one. I believe that this is the secret that so many of us are searching for. it is always attractive. inspiring. admirable. magnetic. It is what draws me to people. places. things. Those that have an amazing passion for what they do. what they are. I try. but I'm not sure I have it. not to the level that I wish I did. I'm working on it....maybe I try to take on too much and the passion gets watered down a bit. I mean, really I have projects piled up the length of my arm, when it comes to my projects, my eyes are definitely bigger than my stomach.

I really love starting new projects, ones that make me giddy, make me close my eyes, take a deep breath. drop everything else. That is the litmus test for all great passions I pursue. Certain eye closing moments that snag me without pause for air. writing my book. a new knitting project. planning a trip. the ocean. organizing 50 years worth of photos, music and recipes. cleaning out closets. making DVD's, spring cleaning (yes, that's right). What is it anyway that can cause such rapturous delight-to the point of wanting to relish in this moment, to let it have me in it's fullest capacity? creating little ticklers. little sparks that send off fireworks. I suppose we could look to science and discuss the release of endorphins and what not. But I don't find that particularly appealing. I polished off a few projects recently, they're done. tucked away. memories. and now that I'm between (new) projects (plenty of older ones to finish) it's not pretty. I need a ping, a teaser, a challenge, ...something that will give me pause to consider whether, given the option, which one would I choose-my new project or a trip to Paris? At any rate I do not like to neglect my creativity between bouts. maybe something to nibble on that will inspire me while I await my next creation. maybe it will be just the thing to get me through. or it's just the thing to bring me back...right into the moment, if I need it.

Believe it or not, I'm choosy about my ventures. I don't know what it is really, but I have to find them somehow attractive, deserving of my time...but, but my one constant passion is music 24/7. all day. all night. all ways. music. I hear it in my head. I dream in music… I have a jukebox in my head. I love the music in my mind, music that flows through my veins, I love the sounds from outside in the wee hours of the morning (the sweet music of nature) a favorite hymn whispered in the last moments before falling asleep.The soundtrack of my life. music. Oh! I adore my i-pod, I am mesmerized by it, less than 4x3 inches of amazing technology, that holds a lifetime of songs, the warbly feel of it, the design...just the pure utter sculptural shape of something that is so magical, so useful...I remember being 16  sitting in front of a turntable with my entire record collection spread in front of me. now baby, it fits in the palm of my hand and I can take it with me every. where. I. go. so yes, I gaze at it lovingly, sometimes unconsciously just run my hand over it and I catch the hubs giving me that * you are crazy* look, so I give him the *I know* look...I mean dude, I do know!'s magical. my heartbeat. my understanding of all things big and small. passion.

so, find your passion. pursue it.  indulge it. embrace it. allow it to completely usher you into that moment, where you can fully realize how passionate you can be. savor it, for what it is, and for what you are together. close your eyes and dig in. 


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